Stephen Quint and the ZOMBIE MIKADO

Caesar Fabray Beethoven

Marge is writer's pawn

I'm in Vermont and GOD DAMN IT, I CAN'T SLEEP, second night in a row, so why not get up and write about The Simpsons? Did you see the new episode last night, with Marge trading families for a stupid Fox reality show? The outlandish opening sequence, RE-SHOT WITH LIVE ACTORS, had our eyes glued to the set, and the TV looked pretty darned weird with eight eyes glued to it, but it had to have been a gimmick to cover up one of the lamest Simpsons episodes ever, and The Simpsons has a fantastic track record. Rick Gervais, the star of the killer Britcom "The Office" played his character from that show, now married to an icky bitch who moves in with Homer and family while Marge does time as his wife in name only for a pathetic (sic) reality show. Gervais, brilliant though he admittedly is, also wrote the episode. I hate when they have Marge behave against character for plot purposes. She's really the only Simpson they do that to. In another episode she would never agree to a thing like this so Homer could get a new TV.

You know, it's almost always the kiss of death when they make a hit TV show into a feature film while the series is still running. South Park being an exception. The Simpsons movie is in production now (written, dialogue being recorded). So light a candle for Sunday night entertainment. Even Jack Benny went off the air eventually.

The bit I laughed at was Homer yelling insults at Dan Castellaneta ("star of the Tracey Ullman Show") during a Fox Studio tour.

commercials

The stupid TV has been tuned to commercial broadcasts lately, as VAL will have her Olympics. I can take or leave the Olympics. The jingoism of the event has always annoyed me. Rah, rah. Go team. It's OK to look at, but the noise -- the constant, useless gabbing of the commentators, the unbearable commercials, the horrible skating music -- drives me to the very verge of violence. Plus how did all that ballroom/ballet skating get into the Olympics? Doesn't Ice Capades exist anymore? Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? Are there no "Disney on Ice" tours? Put a giant mouse head on those sequined, skating sissies and let them try some pirouettes. And for the love of Yahweh, who chooses the music? Rachmaninov is actually the BEST stuff I've heard, and even that made me pine for the love music from Robot Monster. And the commercials! Damn them! Damn them!!! Adults should not have to look at Ronald McDonald.

Anyway, here's a RATHER BRILLIANT COMMERCIAL. Naturally it's British. Turn the sound up.

Well, here's a commercial of my own. Val has espoused the glory of these things on her SITE and I second the motion. Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. These things are incredible. The housewife of yesteryear had to squirt Fantastik or Windex all over her kitchen counter and tear off a couple of paper towels or use the sponge that's supposedly saved for dishes. Today's Modern Grrl can just pull out one of these moistened towelette-type beauties. THERE IS NO BLEACH IN THEM so your hands won't get hurt and there won't be bleach accidents. They are The Best for a quick kitchen or bathroom cleaning. Doorknobs! Appliances! Faucets! TOILETS! They pull up any crud and sanitize everything! Easy! Quick! Doesn't leave streaks! Now with new LEMON or "FRESH" SCENT! Put your shoes on right now and go buy some. And then clean everything! Go nuts! You will hear bacteria screaming in agony!
not for use on unpainted surfaces
avoid contact with ass

McHALE!!!

Do you realize that this very day, as of this writing, is ERNEST BORGNINE'S 89th BIRTHDAY?!?!? Thank Jesus for guiding you to me to tell you this before it's too late. If you haven't seen him in Marty you must. His Oscar, you know. Also see Escape From New York, he's great in that, The Devil's Rain, lame-brained Satanic shit with WILLIAM SHATNER, Willard, which unfortunately doesn't costar Tony Perkins, and Poseidon Adventure! See all these movies and no excuses!

HE WAS MARRIED TO ETHEL MERMAN!!!!!!!!

There was a party on the McHale's Navy set after the Borgnine/Merman engagement was announced. Joe Flynn, who played Captain Binghamton, told Borgnine he wanted "the pick of the litter." Rude! Borgnine was pissed, but I guess he saw the humor when the marriage went on the rocks during the honeymoon and was terminated after 32 days!