Stephen Quint and the ZOMBIE MIKADO

Contact:

R. M. Schlemielle, Director of The Art Museum Toilet Museum of Art                                  
www.artmuseumtoilet.org                                               
Email: info@artmuseumtoilet.org

Press Room *For Immediate Release

Press Release

THE ART MUSEUM TOILET MUSEUM OF ART - NOW ACCEPTING IMAGES

World-renowned Collection’s First-Ever Call For Submissions

New York, NY, — The Art Museum Toilet Museum of Art, the world’s largest collection of images of art museum toilets taken at various art museums around the world, is seeking to add to its unique collection through a call for submissions from other art museum art toilet aficionados.

The site currently houses exclusive images ranging from the prestigious marble lavatory at the Metropolitan Museum of New York, behind-closed-doors shots of the Hermitage’s latrines and the decaying (yet still flushing) pictures of the MongolianArt Museum’s commodes.

“Our collection is one-of-a-kind, yet we realize that in today’s globalized world that it is important to expand our collection of images,” stated R. M. Schlemielle, Director of The Art Museum Toilet Museum of Art. “We are seeking to have an image from every museum on the globe represented in our collection.”

The Art Museum Toilet Museum of Art was officially founded in 2005 and since its inception, staff members have tirelessly been collecting images from around the world. Believed by experts to be the world’s largest, it was built to showcase the forgotten art that can be found in every museum.

By opening its doors and asking the public to add to its collection, the museum is entering an exciting new chapter for both the museum and the art world.

The official submission process includes sending an image to: submissions@artmuseumtoilet.org. Museum officials ask that each image be labeled with the name of the museum, the day the photo was taken and the name of the photographer. All will be posted if the image is selected.

"The Art Museum Toilet Museum of Art was founded in the spirit of Marcel Duchamp, who in 1917 produced the sculpture “Fountain” and changed the way we view art," Schlemielle said. "This piece essentially showcased that art may not be hanging in the proud walls of a museum gallery, but in the common objects of everyday life -- even in the restroom. This website is asking some of the same questions about the current art establishment and questions what defines high brow art."

For more information about The Art Museum Toilet Museum of Art please contact: info@artmuseumtoilet.org.

*Please note all images sent to the museum become property of the museum and can be printed & distributed at will and become property of The ArtMuseumToiletMuseum of Art.

* * *

The Art Museum Toilet Museum of Art is a collection that features digital works. All images, text, concepts sent to the museum become property of the museum and can be copied, distributed and utilized for marketing collateral at will.

The Museum also sells a catalog, select clothing, postcards, posters, prints and CDs.

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POPE VISITS NY!!! NYGASP RELEASES CAST LIST!!!

Faithful reader:

Now that you’ve O.D.ed on the tour schedule post below and have followed us around the country like a bloodhound pursuing a filthy, smelly rag, and our weekend out-of-town gigs are nearly at a temporary end, here’s some fresh NYGASP gristle for you to chew…

Concerning our JUNE SEASON AT NEW YORK CITY CENTER! Yabba-dabba-doo! Yes, jolly old Al Bergeret and his band of fun-making wackos (a couple of them actually are legally retarded) are back to try a season in a month without an “ARRR,” though we will be doing Pirates of Penzance! No Princess Ida this time – the “non-Big Three” show for this part of the season is The Gondoliers, for which I am assured the choreography will not be “excessive, over-demanding, and pointless.” Gondoliers is a very dancy show, though, so we’ll just have to watch and make sure no delusions of grandeur begin asserting themselves at rehearsals, which are many.

And now, for the first time ever, since you can’t count on the NYGASP website for this type of information, HERE’S WHO WILL BE PLAYING WHOM IN THE CASTS. Those fine, fine audience members with a taste for their sweet little Mr. Steve are in luck, as I will be quite in evidence. People who l-o-o-o-o-v-e  Keith Jurosko aren’t so lucky (he’s out of town). But all the other cast members you fantasize about are here, including ALAN HILL in EVERY SHOW!

Cast Lists for City Center, June 2008
The Gondoliers
The Duke of Plaza-Toro ……….. Stephen Quint
Luiz …………………………………. Matthew Nelson
Don Alhambra ……………………. Richard Holmes
Marco ………………………….…… Colm Fitzmaurice
Giuseppe …………………………... Bill Whitefield
The Duchess of Plaza-Toro ……. Angela Smith
Casilda ……………………………… Michele McConnell
Gianetta ……………………………. Laurelyn Watson Chase
Tessa ……………………………….. Erika Person
Inez …………………………………. Vicky Devany
also Meredith Borden (Fiametta), Rebecca O’Sullivan (Giulia), Kimberly Bennett (Vittoria), Michael Galante (Francesco), Lance Olds (Antonio), David Auxier (Giorgio)

H.M.S. Pinafore
Sir Joseph – Stephen Quint / David Macaluso
Captain …………………………. Richard Holmes
Ralph ……………………………. Colm Fitzmaurice
Boatswain ………………………. Bill Whitefield
Deadeye ………………………… Louis Dall’Ava
Josephine – Laurelyn Watson Chase / Elizabeth Hillebrand
Hebe …………………………….. Vicky Devany
Buttercup ………………………. Angela Smith

The Pirates of Penzance
Major General ………………... Stephen Quint
Pirate King ………………….… David Wannen
Samuel ………………………… David Macaluso
Frederic ……………………….. Colm Fitzmaurice
Sgt. of Police ………………… David Auxier
Mabel …………………………. Sarah Smith
Edith ………………………….. Erika Person
Kate …………………………… Amy Helfer
Isabel …………………………. Meredith Borden
Ruth …………………………... Angela Smith

The Mikado
The Mikado ………………… David Wannen
Ko-Ko ……………………….. David Macaluso
Pooh-Bah …………………… Louis Dall’Ava
Pish-Tush …………………… Ed Prostak
Nanki-Poo ………………….. Daniel Lockwood
Katisha ………………………. Dianna Dollman
Yum-Yum …………………… Laurelyn Watson Chase
Peep-Bo ……………………... Lauren Wenegrat
Pitti-Sing ……………………. Melissa Attebury

Note the absence of any celebrity names though their photos continue to add nothing to our website. And now for the schedule...

G&S Fest 2008
    The Pirates of Penzance
        * Saturday, June 7, 2008, 2:00 PM
        * Friday, June 13, 2008, 8:00 PM

  H.M.S. Pinafore
        * Friday, June 6, 2008, 8:00 PM
        * Sunday, June 8, 2008, 3:00 PM
        * Tuesday, June 10, 2008, 7:00 PM
        * Wednesday, June 11, 2008, 2:00 PM 

The Mikado

        * Saturday, June 7, 2008, 8:00 PM
        * Saturday, June 14, 2008, 2:00 PM
 
  The Gondoliers
        * Thursday, June 12, 2008, 8:00 PM
        * Saturday, June 14, 2008, 8:00 PM
        * Sunday, June 15, 2008, 3:00 PM

Ticket Information
All performances are at New York City Center (West 55th St. between 6th & 7th). Tickets can be purchased for $96, $80, $60, and $40 online at www.nycitycenter.org or by calling CityTix at 212.581.1212.

    * Buy any 2 shows and Save 15%**
    * Buy 3 or more shows Save 25% off **
    * Children 12 & under receive 50% off ++
    * Seniors 65 & over receive 10% off*

Ask about our Free Kids Nights (January 8 & June 10) and our Special Wednesday Matinee (June 11).

The Tuesday night and Wednesday afternoon Pinafores will feature the excitement of a new Sir Joseph – my perfectly ripping understudy Dave Macaluso – and a new conductor – ME! I’ve always wanted to conduct NYGASP’s “Pinafore” – mostly because you won’t hear a better sung and played “Pinafore,” and conducting the new guy’s first performance seemed like a nice way to pass the torch.

My next posting won’t be just a bunch of copied and pasted stuff. I have a friend who’s touring with that British G&S company that’s been taking NYGASP’s jobs by undercutting us to such a degree that they need to pass the hat at performances. Oh, why be coy? I’m talking about the CARL ROSA OPERA COMPANY .

As I write this Manhattan is swarming with enraptured CATHOLICS. Here’s an un-doctored picture of our esteemed papal personage, about to put away a pint of pilsner – probably Pabst. CHUG IT! Do you think he's a mean drunk? I mean, look at him. Yipes! It is my understanding that he inhales, as well.

Yeomen and Ligers and Bares

NYGASP had ONE MORE Yeomen of the Guard two nights ago (Saturday, Feb 3), three weeks after our final performance at City Center. This was at the McCarter Theater, Princeton, NJ. The very theater, and the same show, in which the late, great, CHRISTOPHER REEVE made his stage debut as a 9-year old townsperson at the Tower of London. Along those same lines it may also interest you to know that ANTHONY PERKINS' first principal role was in a college production of Yeomen, as Wilfred Shadbolt, the comedy jailer!

The audience was extremely appreciative and Al thought the performance was one of our triumphs. I missed not having done it for a couple of weeks, except for a principals-only brushup rehearsal the night before. My grasp on Jack Point is definitely firmer than it was at first, for sure. I used to think the role was just not written that well, that Point talks too much and says way too little, and that Gilbert tried but just couldn't make him that funny or consistent. I know now that those things are very much part of the character. He's sympathetic, he's a selfish asshole, he's perky and funny, he's dull and depressed. I have only begun to reconcile all that stuff. I've never seen a Jack Point that really put it all together, and I'm sorry to say that I haven't yet managed it either. The first thing Point says is that "There is humor in all things, and the truest philosophy is that which teaches us to find it and to make the most of it," and I hope that next time I do this role I'll be able to make something of the irony of that, and the way his not-very-developed sense of humor utterly fails to help him cope. Having a sense of humor isn't memorizing jokes from "Cap'n Billy's Whiz-Bang" or "The Merrie Jests of Hugh Ambrose" -- it's a general outlook, a state of mind.

We have Pinafore this weekend on Long Island and it will seem like DESSERT after slaving over these Yeomen.

My friend, company member Jennifer Piacenti -- she was Yum-Yum this season -- has beaten me to the punch with the "Girls of NYGASP" calendar idea. She had a novelty calendar made up for me at Staples, or something, with 13 photos of NYGASP babes. No actual nudity, unfortunately, but enough skin to give a G&S Society member vapours. But of course no Society member will ever see it because it's MINE, ALL MINE! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! Jennifer's Myspace page, on which you can hear her sing a few things and look at the usual excruciating Myspace list of "friends," may be reached by clicking right HERE.

VAL has gotten a lot of good feedback -- THOUGH NOT ON THIS SITE, FOR SOME REASON -- on her nude photo session article in the February 'Self.' Yes, the lack of cellulite is real.

In closing, if there is no new business, I present you with these pictures of a LIGER (father lion, mother tiger). This is Hercules, at  the Institute of Greatly Endagered and Rare Species in Miami. He looks awfully agreeable, for a cat the size of a friggin' HORSE.

NAKED WOMEN!!!

         

What can it be about January 23?

Leonard Pinth-Garnell, J. Pinkerton-Snoopington, and Stephen Quint! All Born Yesterday! It's too much happiness!

          Ernie Kovacs,   Franklin Pangborn

Why, according to astrologically-inclined types, I probably share a bunch of traits with Franklin Pangborn! How that very idea makes me open my eyes wide and tremble with indignation!

But I'm writing because I have bigger fish to fry. Yes, things are happening, and happening fast. But first, I have to generate a bunch of words so I can get away from this picture of me and on to weightier stuff. My calendar arrived -- extremely promptly -- from the Rose Valley Chorus and Orchestra. "For 100 years, Rose Valley Chorus & Orchestra has presented the Gilbert & Sullivan operettas in the popular Savoyard tradition. Now, in RVC&O's100th year and with due respect to Gilbert and Sullivan, twenty-seven women have come together, joined by common threads of a love of theatre and a love of art, to present Gilbert & Sullivan characters in non-traditional NUDE GLORY!" 55 is the average age. Five are over 70 and 4 are under 40! Other than that, and a few factoids about professions and stuff, the women aren't identified! Preposterous! My favorite photo is Ruth, Pirates of Penzance, with one foot up on a treasure chest and draped with a skull and crossbones. "47"? Hmm. There's a fabulous Fairy Queen, looking like a Ziegfield tableau. A naked Patience with milk pails with a naked Lady Jane with cello. Take a look and order a copy RIGHT HERE. Printed on really cheap, pinkish (rose) paper. Pictures are too small, sharing too much space with a synopsis of each show. Synopses! God, I hate them more than encores. I love the fun attitude about this calendar, but it's nudity for children, you know? Kind of fun, but not a speck of titillation. Not like the impending NYGASP calendar, which will show everything and plenty of it!!! You want pink, we'll show you pink, Rose Valley!

This is the February issue of 'Self.' Yeah, yeah, tone your abs, "new" sex secrets he'll LUV you for, lose 6 pounds in 5 minutes every other Thursday, crap. The reason you will buy this issue, or at least spend ten minutes at a newsstand gawking at it, is the latest article by Valerie Frankel. Last spring Val decided to undergo the experience of POSING NUDE. Not just rude Polaroids -- real arty stuff by an experienced pro photographer with all kinds of lights and assistants! It was an adventure, one she is eager to share with her readers, and includes SIX FLESHY FOTOS! In life-like color! Taken by KOREN REYES  and, I suppose I should add, property of 'Self.' The action starts on page 32.

I should also add, for 'Self'-type readers and other saps, that Val is my beloved wife. Also she'll bitch if I don't.

Here's one of the unused photos from the session. Sorry, this is the biggest I could get it. If you click on it the color looks better.

"Before this court passes judgment I WAH! UGH! YEAH! WHOO-EEE"

This is the first thing I've ever posted that's a follow-up to something I was talking about in a dressing room. And no, that's not some kind of transvestite chat room, it's a room in a theater, where actors dress. Michael Harris and Ed Prostak, I think it was you guys -- how're you doin,' by the way -- who I was telling a couple of weeks ago about the judge who got in trouble for repeatedly MASTURBATING WHILE COURT WAS IN SESSION, FROM THE BENCH. There was a follow-up in the NY Post yesterday (Friday):

"'Rub-a-dub' judge: Not me
OKLAHOMA CITY (Post Wire Services) -- A magistrate accused of fondling himself and using a "penis pump" during murder trials pleaded not guilty yesterday to indecent-exposure charges.

Donald Thompson, 59, swore that he did not play with himself while wielding the firm hand of justice during proceedings in his courtroom.

Thompson is charged with repeatedly pleasuring himself and using the pump during criminal and civil hearings in the court."

According to previous reports from the Post it was courtroom employees who turned in this most injudicious judge, after it had taken them some considerable time to figure out just what in the hell he was doing. The stenographer had been indicating in the trial transcripts that there were wooshing noises coming from the bench, and someone else even saw the damn pump. And occasionally the guy would groan. He told them he had asthma.

Anyway, I was telling Michael and Ed about this during Mikado and suggested I should take a penis pump out of my briefcase in Trial by Jury. But I don't do tricks like that anymore, Al, don't worry (heh, heh, heh).

Yes, the Post. The New York Post. Val insists on this grubby lowest common denominator tabloid because it's only a quarter, can't argue with that, and you can read the whole thing in about 20 minutes. An extra 6 minutes if you read the THREE SEPARATE CELEBRITY GOSSIP PAGES (like Val) or the police blotter and the "Strange but true" factoids (like me). I believe the Post boasts the city's most ridiculously extensive sports coverage, so right there is a third of the paper whose pages I never even separate. There's no denying it's the 25 cent paper to turn to when you want perverts in every issue, including Michael Jackson at least three times a week. But that 25 cents doesn't include the price of having to look at candid photos of Sarah Jessica Parker EVERY SINGLE DAY.

GETTING WORSE!!!

There's lots of fine, fine news today. "What could be woise?" as Ollie would ask, just before Stan innocently picks up a piece of litter and manages to accidentally knock them both into a pile of fresh, moist elephant shit. Hamas has taken over and horror is imminent. Michael Jackson is still running around loose in the garb of an Arab female, but with protruding designer shades. Pope "bEnnY16" Ratzinger is talking about love and sex -- it's enough to put you off either. Catholic perverts abound -- officials at St. Paul's Catholic School on Staten Island "looked the other way," as Catholics are so wont to do, as a dyke gym teacher repeatedly signed a 7th grader out of class to go on private field trips, and was caught by the principal with another junior high girl sitting in her lap. A peeping handyman at two Brooklyn high schools (it doesn't say if he's Catholic but there's no reason to think he isn't) has for 17 years been videotaping girls' bathrooms! And he is one fat, nasty-looking muhfuh. And apparently Simon left in a huff last night when Paula HURT HIS FEELINGS. And EVA RAINFORTH is starting her own blog!!! See -- things can always get worse.

I tell you, it all just makes me want to throw up my little hands and cry like a baby in my mother's arms. Oh, Mammy, I'm coming, Mammy! Mammy! What, don't you recognize me? It's -- sniff -- it's your little Stevie, Mammy! Damn me! I've come back to Alabammy! To see you, Mammy! I'm down on my knees, I'M BEGGIN' YA, remember how we laughed and cried and you always told me things would get better? Well, I'm a man now, Mammy! A fine, healthy, good man living in sinful New York City, and I've come back to you! No, I'm not a Catholic any more, Mammy, I purged that from my soul many years ago. I'm a good man, didn't you hear what I said? What's the matter with you, Mammy? MAMMY! SHE'S DEAD! Oh, Mammy.

By the way, hello to Tammy.

How about a couple of quick recent movie reviews to cheer us all up. The Producers. Yes, I saw it, despite hideous reviews. What's everyone's problem with this movie? Of course it's not the original, don't be stupid. Of course musicalizing that script was a terrible idea in the first place. Yes, the songs are lame, they always have been. Yes, Nathan Lane is in it, but still, IT COULD BE WORSE, I guess. Jim Belushi. No, film critics didn't like this movie because it was too much like the stage play. "It took all the life out of the live show." Pah. Piffle. And a derogatory snort. I thought it was fine, for what it was, and I smiled all the way through, until the last 15 minutes, which I assume was just as much of a mess on Broadway.
Match Point. "They say it's Woody Allen's 'return to form,'" Val says. DO NOT BE DECEIVED. I admire arty and pretentious as much as anyone. This wasn't even that arty, it's like Allen -- I don't think I'm going to call him Woody anymore, I'm so disgusted -- set it in England and put in a lot of OPERA, for God's sake, and that made it arty enough. And God forbid he should make any effort to put in any humor. He's got an Irish guy worming into zillionaire London circles instead of a funny Jew doing the same thing in New York, and a blond babe Other Woman instead of -- oh, yeah, right, i guess that is kind of de rigeur (I love those italics) in a Woodypic. Ooh, ooh, and the HOT SEX SCENES you may have read about. Well, listen to Big Steve. The sex takes about 30 seconds total, the entire long, 2 hour movie, AND THERE'S NOT ONE BUTTOCK. They rip each other's clothes off or do it in the rain. That's real exciting for Woody Allen, I guess. Val hated it, too.
Hostel. I saw this on the advice of a tenor. Don't make the same mistake. But i am the kind of guy who snickers at horror movie gore and mutilations, so I got my weeknight bargain price money's worth.

McHALE!!!

Do you realize that this very day, as of this writing, is ERNEST BORGNINE'S 89th BIRTHDAY?!?!? Thank Jesus for guiding you to me to tell you this before it's too late. If you haven't seen him in Marty you must. His Oscar, you know. Also see Escape From New York, he's great in that, The Devil's Rain, lame-brained Satanic shit with WILLIAM SHATNER, Willard, which unfortunately doesn't costar Tony Perkins, and Poseidon Adventure! See all these movies and no excuses!

HE WAS MARRIED TO ETHEL MERMAN!!!!!!!!

There was a party on the McHale's Navy set after the Borgnine/Merman engagement was announced. Joe Flynn, who played Captain Binghamton, told Borgnine he wanted "the pick of the litter." Rude! Borgnine was pissed, but I guess he saw the humor when the marriage went on the rocks during the honeymoon and was terminated after 32 days!