Stephen Quint and the ZOMBIE MIKADO

BUY VALERIE FRANKEL

This is my wife's new book. Her name is at the top. There are some things about me in this book. Special things - secret things - that you will want to know. Things that you will never learn at Zombie Mikado, no matter how often you keep coming back and hoping. You should buy this book at Amazon. It is also available as an e-book. As far as I know it's in most Barnes and Nobles, at least around here, in the New Arrivals 20%-off pile. If you go to Amazon to learn more about this book you will find that there are other books by Valerie Frankel. Her two memoirs are the best. You will like her other books only if you are... you know, not a man. Or sort of not like a man. You will find some books by Valerie Estelle Frankel, author of the "Harry Potty" series. Not the same person. One book that you will not find by searching for VALERIE FRANKEL at Amazon is this: You didn't actually think that Snooki wrote this? A book? Snooki can't write books! She can write her name inside the cover of one, and draw a little heart, but the actual putting together of sentences required a writer, and Val was not ashamed. It was successful enough for a sequel. And so it has been written; so it shall be done. But I don't know when it is supposed to be unleashed.

Did you know that a Three Stooges movie is being made? Not a biography - a contemporary feature for movie theaters with actors playing the Moe, Larry, and Curly characters; written and directed by the Farrelly brothers (Dumb and Dumber; There's Something About Mary). The story seems to be that the Stooges are determined to save the orphanage in which they were raised - by nuns - and end up going for the big bucks by starring in a TV reality show. SNOOKI IS SIGNED ON FOR A CAMEO IN THIS FILM. Here is Youtube footage of a scene being shot in Atlanta, taken from across the street, with the actors behaving fairly Howard, Fine, and Howard-ish.  

The Stooges raised by nuns! What a concept! That would explain a lot - about Moe particularly. Anyways, this fake Stooges movie thing seems like a lousy idea but I of course CAN NOT WAIT and will absolutely go to a SAG screening before it opens April 4 and the reviews come out.

PROMOTIONAL VIDEO FRENZY!!!!!

Here, for your promotional compilation video-viewing pleasure, are some new NYGASP promotional compilation videos. They are each about four minutes long and I don't recommend watching them all at once.

 

I'm not in this Mikado one; it's Dave Macaluso. NYGASP had a couple performances down south this weekend and I did Ko-Ko for the first time in over a year. A very lovely year. But I liked being back in Titipu.

And finally, "I've Got a Little Twist." This video must be of one of our very first perfomances. We have gotten better.

That is all. Utopia, Limited this Sunday, November 21, 5:00 at Symphony Space.

Nerd is the Word

I have taken part in the first of my Three Known Nerd Events of the Summer: I saw and loved Star Trek. For extra Nerd Karma bonus points I saw it the day before it opened officially, with a crowd of approving Believers. I always like to see a movie I know I want to see as soon as I can see it, see? Before the reviews come out. I like to read reviews but they always spoil too much. Suffice it to say that nothing about the movie failed to satisfy. Kirk fights, humps an alien (female), and hangs from three different cliffs. Spock says "Fascinating" and talks to himself. All the old "Star Trek" TV sound effects are heard again. There are thrills, laughs, and mind-numbing plot twists. WARNING: time travel and parallel universes are involved, so set your logic on "stun." I saw it a second time with the family. Maggie loves Kirk (Chris Pine)! She was surprised to learn that WILLIAM SHATNER played him on TV!

This weekend: my final G&S performances of the summer (and second Nerd Event): NYGASP's The Pirates of Penzance at The Filene Center, Wolf Trap Foundation for the Arts, Vienna, VA. Our FIFTEENTH consecutive appearance at this Tanglewood-type outdoor amphitheater. May 29 & 30 at 8. "Pirates" is my favorite of the NYGASP stagings - no topical gags (except "Department of Homeland Security"), only three quick encores, the chorus is encouraged to act and is therefore extremely funny, the choreography looks somewhat professional and fun, limited buttinski stuff from the pit. The infallible Michele McConnell is a great Mabel, Colm Fitzmaurice is a rugged-looking, completely charming Frederick, and David Macaluso as Samuel, the speaking pirate who isn't the Pirate King, usually hits his interpolated high G#. I am still enjoying playing the Major-General, which is still not yet an age-appropriate role for me. The principals wear body mics - a lovely thing. Only a real sourpuss wouldn't enjoy our Pirates of Penzance.

Event of the Nerd the Third: June 3 & 4 I will be attending two days of the annual International Horn Symposium in Macomb (near Chicago), IL. Every year, in a different international location, several hundred hornplayers from EVERYWHERE get together for a week of concerts, lectures, exhibits and geeky socializing! I have done full weeks of this thing in the distant past but will only be attending Wednesday and Thursday because two days are cheaper. People who don't know me, and/or have never clicked on "ABOUT ," in the upper left of this page, may not know that I spent several years of my professional life, such as it is, as a hornplayer in and around New York and on tour in various ensembles. This part of my life got phased out due to imposed physical limitations and my simultaneous success as a thespian. But I have found - I am surprised it took me this long - that I can still play extremely well on a lighter instrument. There are all types of configurations of French horns, using more or less tubing, though the standard full double F/Bb horn is OVERWHELMINGLY the most popular on this continent. I am switching to a single Bb horn.
  Single Bb.

 

                                                      Double F/Bb:

As you can see, the double horn has lots more metal, and certain advantages for which I think I can compensate. A couple of weeks ago I played my first horn solo in about TEN YEARS, at a NYGASP function. "Over the Rainbow," on Al Bergeret's old double horn. It went very well - like one nicked note, and I was not overcome with nerves, as used to be the norm. Professional-quality single horns are rare in America, but the Symposium is an international event, and manufacturers will have them on exhibit and ready to be sampled and possibly bought.

The NYGASP thing for which I played was the annual Asimov Awardee concert, this year presented by winner Michael Galante. Next Spring I have to give you warning about this concert. NYGASP singers who aren't often heard in solo roles with the company - like CHRIS-IAN SANCHEZ - get to present themselves, and "stalwarts" like me get to do something different. The concert is free and a regular riot!

Also, my brother Doug will, at a time yet to be announced, come out with THE BIG GAY ICE CREAM TRUCK! Click on it! And stand by circa this site!

"Why, he's my little ol' dream boat"

Just trying to perk things up around here with this particularly enticing photo of Shemp. Click on the "WALL OF SHEMP" webpage and see actual items OWNED BY SHEMP!!!

Potter, Turnblad, Simpson

Last week I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on Monday, Hairspray on Wednesday, and The Simpsons movie on Friday! I felt like Roger Ebert, but without the lardy ass and cancer, or any credibility.

I wasn't expecting much from Harry Potter -- I decided after the last one that I wasn't going to put any special effort into seeing the remaining sequels we are guaranteed (two more after this one!) -- but I was really surprised at what a mess it was. In the old Dickens film adaptations they had to leave out dozens and DOZENS of characters and incidents but managed to keep the story and, more importantly, arguably, retain the somewhat leisurely Dickens tone of the novels. This Potter movie was the shortest of the series so far, frenzied yet staggeringly boring. When it did focus on anything it was all wizard duel crap, right out of a horrible Star Wars prequel, and way too much Dolores Umbridge (read "umbrage" -- one of Rowling's Dickens tricks), the usual new teacher character who harasses Harry at school. The relationship between the three friends apparently couldn't be included in this movie. Ron stands beside Hermoine and nods. Snape hardly appears! Weren't his sessions with Harry a major part of the book? And I may be wrong about this -- I think I may have dozed off at least once -- but aren't they leaving out stuff that's going to be very messy to try and explain in the next two movies? Also the music really stunk (John Williams deigned not to do this one).

I'm in the middle of Deathly Hallows, by the way, and of course enjoying it very much.

Hairspray was a great big steaming pile of fun. That new kid, whose name I'm not going to go to the trouble of looking up, was sensational as Tracy Turnblad and John Travolta was as charming and lovable as could be. Divine was also sweet and sympathetic as Edna but he just couldn't help but be slightly terrifying because he was Divine. Formerly Babs Johnson a.k.a. the Hog Princess. I particularly liked the movie's re-creation of 60's Baltimore familiar from the early John Waters stuff. Waters and Mink Stole appear in the opening number. My only complaint about the movie was a problem they were already saddled with from the stage production -- too many drab songs that sound exactly alike. The New Hampshire audience I saw it with loved it and applauded the end! John Waters for kids. Waters should remake his early movies as kid-friendly cartoons.

Here are Divine as himself and as Edna Turnblad, and John Travolta as a comparatively cute and demure Edna.

There's very little I feel compelled to say about The Simpsons Movie because of course you should see it no matter what anyone says. The plot is kind of concerned with environmental stuff but that's OK -- it's not a Lisa show. All Homer, all the way through. Plus full-frontal yellow nudity! And Marge says, "God damn it, Homer!" Grampa has an unforgettable freak-out scene in church at the beginning. Mr. Burns lets loose the hounds. Homer stabs himself in the eye with a hammer claw. It's got everything. It was great to be in a full theater (Brooklyn for this one) laughing at the Simpsons. But prepare yourself for no aliens or Sideshow Bob.

It's Alive!

And today, the 20th, is Colin Clive's birthday! I tell you, it's a season of the greats (I was born the 23rd). Dead at the age of 37. Tuberculosis (chain smoker) and severe alcoholism. The lucky performer of the best moment in the best horror movie.

Leslie Howard and Bela Lugosi were also considered for Clive's role. The head of Universal insisted that if Lugosi was going to be in the movie it was going to be as the Monster. But then James Whale came onto the project and everything turned great.

part 4: The Rest of the London Experience

In recent news... I am officially relieved of the cast I've had on my arm for the last 5 months. I've not been wearing it anyway for several weeks, and new X-rays show that the bone (humerus) has filled in enough so I can use my arm without worrying about it falling apart.

Also, on the zombie front, EVIL DEAD has been turned into a stage musical! Debuting in New York in October! Does that sound like a bad idea or what? I guess I can sort of imagine Ash being harassed by singing ghouls. I am of course not in favor of great movies being ripped off to be turned into musicals, no matter how "lovingly" it's done. But if it keeps Mel Brooks from making horrible new movies, I suppose that's fine.

AND NOW BACK TO ENGLAND. All horror now behind me, Thursday began with my arrival at PARLIAMENT, with nothing to encumber me but my wallet, a map, and the new passport I'd gotten the day before, which I took out to admire every 15 minutes. I had a careful look around the Parliamentary area, heard big Ben strike the hour, admired the statues, walked across Westminster Bridge for a different view, then continued walking up (east, actually) the river, on the Victoria Embankment. Quite bustling, the Thames, for such a mangy little river. Very unpleasant-looking water. Give me the HUDSON, now there's a river!

I saw London's Cleopatra's Needle, a 70-foot Egyptian obelisk imported in 1829. New York and Paris also have Cleopatra's Needles, needless to say they all look about the same. Same height (70 feet?), hieroglyphs, same vintage (1450-ish BC). None of them have anything to do with Cleopatra, except they're Egyptian. There were a couple of small sphinx reproductions at its base, one of which was marred by shrapnel scars from those GOD DAMN GERMANS AND THEIR AEROPLANES. Also on the Embankment were a couple of interesting bas-reliefs -- or whatever the plural is of that. One was of WWII soldiers and was carved in such a way that the men seemed to be reaching out, and falling out of the wall. It was a shock effect just as frightening as a nightmare moment in Romero's DAY OF THE DEAD. The other was just a little further on -- I looked up and was astonished to see a bas-relief plaque of W.S. GILBERT! "Playwright and Poet" -- no mention anywhere of his work with any composers, which I think would have pleased him. He was in profile, looking very gruff and grim, as usual. Or was he maybe more griff and grum? I don't know -- here's a picture, you decide. We have below him Tragedy, on the left, holding a quill and paper, and, on the right, Comedy, holding a Mikado doll, with Despard, Margaret, Willis, and some others spilling out of her sleeve.

I made detours off the Embankment to have walks on Strand, Fleet St, Chancery Lane, St. Mary Axe (why I didn't visit no. 70 I don't know), and had lunch at Ye Olde Cock Tavern, part of which was from the 17th Century. I went into St. Paul's Cathedral but it was absurdly expensive and crowded so I decided I didn't have to see the whole thing. I stayed parallel to the Thames most of the time. The sidewalks are kind of narrow for such a busy city. I "couldn't help" but notice that not nearly as many women wear thongs in London. And when they do they're not so ostentatious about it. Click here for "ostentatious" thong action.

I eventually made my way to the TOWER OF LONDON. For this one I paid for a tour, by an authentic Yeoman of the Guard. Very interesting place -- the oldest place I've ever been, I think. William the Conqueror began construction a thousand years ago. All manner of major monarchs lived and died there. Traitors imprisoned and beheaded, people tortured (though not as many as is legendary), people grew up and grew old within the walls, black death came, all kinds of staggering nuttiness. Do not consider visiting London without seeing the Crown Jewels. I was mighty impressed. Many, many, many sparkles. Plus ceremonial swords and scepters flourished by Elizabeth I, cups and spoons used by King George, Henry VIII's tankard, hoo-boy, I was all a-tingle. Huge collection of fightin' accouterments, as well. And just walking the grounds was very thrilling and strange -- probably the kind of thing best appreciated alone. Ghosts!

I noted with some disappointment the maintenance and restoration efforts at the Tower. Areas of crumbling, age-old hewn stone are being replaced by identical cement blocks.

On an amusing note, I just wrote several paragraphs, "an error" happened, and everything was lost! Ha, ha, ha! TypePad will have their little joke, those rogues! And I pay for this!

I had spent most of the afternoon at the Tower and left at closing. It had already been an exhausting day of looking, standing, and walking. So I went to a pub, had a pint, and set off for more! I started walking back the way I'd come, but on different streets. Decided I'd be sorry if I didn't get off my feet, so gave in and got on a bus. I rode on the top floor. Got off at the Savoy. Went into the lobby, had a look around. Nice. Very fancy. They asked me to leave. The way I was dressed (old clothes from my hosts, which they intended to throw out), I suppose I could have been a bum. Or "tramp," in your British.

I bypassed Covent Garden for the time being and went to check out Leicester Square. Pronounced "Lester." Why do British insist on sticking all these extra letters in otherwise normal words and not pronouncing any of them? Colour. Worcestershire. I tell you it's regoddamndiculous and next time I see the Queen I intend to protest. It irritated me so much I went back to Covent Garden. A swinging place, to be sure. Crawling with street entertainers, many quite good. I went into the Royal Opera House - they didn't ask me to leave - and looked at a bunch of other theaters. I had dinner - Indian, very good - on one of the many skinny side streets. Got back out to Putney by 10.

Friday morning. My flight was at 4, but, anticipating trouble, I left for Heathrow at 10AM. It's crazy to get from London to Heathrow any way other than the tube. I was there in about 45 minutes. Mind the gap, though! And it was actually above ground most of the way. I had a choice of lines (queues) to wait in. Chose one. When a ticket agent was finally able to take me I was informed, for the first time, that there was a 30 pound lost/stolen ticket charge. None of the Virgin Atlantic people I had spoken to the previous two days had mentioned anything like this. But what was I going to do? I heaved a heavy sigh and presented my credit card yet again.

Security check was a horrific, unruly mob. I like to keep at least 2 feet personal space fore and aft while waiting in a line. I received no cooperation. All the jabbing and bumping drove me to the verge of screaming something inflammatory, like "I have water!" maybe in Arabic. At least I didn't have one single piece of luggage, carry-on, or nuthin' to hassle with, and was quickly decided to be harmless. But it was after all the lines were cleared, with comfortable time to spare, that the really annoying bit began.

My flight was scheduled for 3:50. At 3:30 the gate departure board, which I had been checking obsessively every 5 minutes, still said "check again." "Check again!" How vague is that? Not "Delayed," not "Approx 6," nothing the least bit useful. Isn't "check again" one of the answers you get from the Magic 8 Ball? Click here to ask the Magic 8 Ball a question. BUT COME RIGHT BACK HERE. I browsed the stupid duty-free shops -- what a ripoff they are, went to the bar and downed a few, all the while keeping my eye on the departure board. "Check again." Around 7 I finally decided it was stupid not to get something to eat, and it was while I was enjoying some appalling lasagna, school lunchroom quality, that a 7:35 departure was announced! I had to hustle to get to the gate and was the last person to board. There was another 40 minute delay while we waited to take off.

VIRGIN ATLANTIC STINKS. BOYCOTT. Also (a reminder) easyinternetcafe, Tottenham Court Road.

My neighbor on the flight was a young man with a very intrusive elbow. He must have felt my waves of hate and didn't talk to me. I watched Ballet Russes, a documentary, pretty good, and the only horror movie available, the remake of The Hills Have Eyes. I found it to be on a par with the original. Avoid it.

As mentioned several times already if you've been paying attention, I was completely luggage-free. This greatly facilitated time getting through customs and out of Kennedy. What a day, though! It was 11 (4AM in England), I'd been up almost 22 hours, and, also as previously mentioned, I can't sleep on planes. It was a pleasure indeed to get home, take a shower, put on something that I hadn't been wearing for TEN DAYS, and go to bed with Val! Hooray!

And my luggage re-appeared! After 11 days of being God knows where it got delivered to... RICHARD HOLMES' APARTMENT! Richard, who I flew over with on the 9th. His stuff turned up, too. Rather than give them my correct address he thought it wise, considering we were dealing with VIRGIN ATLANTIC, to accept it and leave well enough alone.

In summation, yes, I would go to London again. But then I would also go skiing again. Watch these pages and CHECK AGAIN.

"Over the Hedge"

I just saw Over the Hedge with the kids and it was pretty good. William Shatner has a big role as an opossum. HE IS ASTONISHING. THIS MAN MUST NEVER DIE. Please, casting directors and producers! I realize you are extraordinarily stupid people but please see the wisdom of hiring this great, great actor at every opportunity! I -- I can't -- say -- any more.

"They're dead -- they're all messed up"

VAL says I should post more. I says you're getting what you  pay for.  I turned on the computer yesterday morning full of  blog creativity -- and how much of  that do you ever encounter? -- but was put off by a letter from  a woman who  objected to this site's  body function to G&S ratio. "How can you call this a G&S site?" Well, how can I call this a ZOMBIE site? Zombies have been shockingly under-represented here and I'm going to do something about that right now! In a minute.

First I have to assure my literally almost DOZENS of faithful readers that this site will continue to be what it is. Only even more. I'm sorry. "Live with it! Or I should say DIE WITH IT! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!"

That's from an Ed Wood movie and I would like to remember which.

I'm sorry.

Forget about slashers and say what you will about vampires and giant bugs. SCARY is a reanimated corpse who wants to eat you! Fortunately they move pretty slow. And when you kill the brain you kill the ghoul. Beat 'em or burn 'em, they go up pretty easy. I'll probably never forget -- uh -- what? I don't remember. Huh? Oh, yeah, the first time I saw George Romero's great Night of the Living Dead, about 25 years ago, at a Halloween triple feature at one of those many Manhattan revival houses which no longer exist. Cheap, black and white, mostly poor acting, music off scratchy records, and totally believable and terrifying. Plus there were only 3 other guys in the audience, that's always scary. Roger Ebert describes seeing this movie  in a theater when it opened in 1968. A little girl was sitting across the aisle from him, watching and crying. She'd obviously been dumped there by her parents, who thought she'd have an afternoon of creepy fun. Ha! There are some people (Jane Hamilton) who think this movie is hilarious. Not me! I take it seriously -- seriously seriously -- and it gives me nightmares every time I watch it. Guaranteed nightmares every time! What better recommendation could you want? Romero's Dawn of the Dead is also a classic and Day of the Dead has its moments. The comedies Shaun of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, and Dead Alive are very funny yet treat their zombies with the respect the dead deserve.

How about more on zombies some time when I'm into it, which the above testifies that I am not. That God damn woman's letter yesterday did take some of the feistiness out of me.

Gilbert and Sullivan: Utopia, Limited really, really sucks, and The Grand Duke is even worse.

Excrement: There are 7,000 species of dung beetles, all working to make the world a better, less smelly place.

"KARLOFF THE UNCANNY!"

This site had 83 visits yesterday (Wednesday), up a little bit from its usual 25-ish. There is nothing to which I can attribute this. Someone must have given it as a link. I really don't know. How can I know when so FEW PEOPLE LEAVE COMMENTS?

I have seen seven BORIS KARLOFF films this week. Film Forum, in the Village, has been having a series. Because I live in New York, I get to do things like that! Doesn't it suck, not living here? Don't you wish you were me? Ha! Dream on! I'd have seen TEN Karloffs, but the Tuesday night showing of The Black Cat, The Old Dark House, and The Body Snatcher was sold out, with a long line of people through the lobby and halfway up the block for standby tickets! People love this stuff! I had never seen The Bride of Frankenstein in a packed theater before, and it was quite an experience. Used to be (he said, pausing to re-light his pipe and smack his toothless gums), even 10 years ago, people would have come to these movies to mock, sneer, and snicker snidely. "Huh, huh, huh. Old-fashioned, huh, huh. Funny." Well, those people were stupid, but I guess now they're smarter. ANyway it was good to see these fine Karloffilms with a somewhat sophisticated audience. These movies are funny, but they've always been funny. Wherever you live you can get a copy of Bride of Frankenstein. You will laugh, cry, cheer, jump, gawk, roll over, sit up, and beg. But unfortunately it will still all be over in 75 minutes. You should also see The Raven (also 1935), because it's only 61 thrill-packed, silly minutes plus it costars BELA LUGOSI!!!!