Well, guess who's going to Alaska on Tuesday. If you guessed me, reasoning that I am what this blog is all about, and why would I be asking you to guess where anybody else is going, I would deduce you to be a person of normal or lower intelligence. Congratulations. This site is exactly where you belong. Your guardian angel must have led you here. Praise be! Say five "Hail Mary"s, wipe your feet, floss your teeth, and don't quote Pinafore for a week. Eat more vegetables. Give away those old paperbacks you'll never read again. Think about the stations of the cross!
And think about Barney Fife and Carl Kolchak. Gone in the same weekend. Too much. The cases they could have solved together!
Anyway, yes, Anchorage needs an emergency Judge. Trials are about to begin for the case of that bear who ate the psycho/surfer dude/MisterRogers wannabe from Herzog's Grizzly Man, and they want a hangin' judge from out of town. A judge who can dispense fair but firm justice to bears. I'll also be hearing the cases of a lemming who's being charged with suicide and a trespassing caribou who committed public indecency.
Haw, haw. I will have my joke. I'm going up to do Trial by Jury, of course! Tee-hee, I'll bet you knew that all along! They're doing a G&S program and their patter guy got lost in a blizzard and is now eating boiled shoes in a desolate cabin. I was available and cheap, plus the furthest north I've ever been was still in the state of Maine. Montreal and Quebec are closer than Northern Maine. I've always wanted to visit Alaska. I understand that if you make it there you can make it anywhere. Am I man enough? Watch these pages -- time alone can tell.
Did you clear that space on your bookshelf yet? Mrs. VALERIE FRANKEL's latest book is in stores now. It's got a lot of words in it, quite a few of which don't begin with 'f,' for some reason. Buy it, stick it on your bookshelf, notice that it seems to be misplaced after you've had people over, then buy another one and this time read it before another one of those
unscrupulous chick lit fans takes advantage of you. It's at Barnes & Noble, Borders, etc., but Val likes you to buy it from Amazon because of reasons involving stuff I'm not sure of. CLICK HERE for a quick, easy link to right where you want to go on Amazon.
Barney Fife never really did it for me. Although I do like a good Fife and Drum Corps...
I'm sick of seeing The ANdy Griffith Show every time I tune in to TVLAND. Why can't we see more of Dr. Bellows, Jeanie, Major Nelson, and Major Healy? These are the characters I am interested in. These are the characters I've grown to care about and love. Unfortunately, since Don Knotts kicked the bucket, we're going to be looking at plenty of Barney Fife, Andy Griffith, Aunt Bea, and a young Ron Howard - Not to mention episodes of Three's Company!!!! My God, shoot me now!
Posted by: eva | February 27, 2006 at 01:13 PM
This is incredibly depressing, so I thought I'd post it here.
God, I remember HR Pufnstuff, and how Janet always called Susy "Witchypoo" because of it.
Imagine having your tongue and larynx removed. Even if the guy is hell now it's got to be a step up from his life on earth.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4765996.stm
Posted by: Doug | March 02, 2006 at 01:24 PM