GETTING WORSE!!!

There's lots of fine, fine news today. "What could be woise?" as Ollie would ask, just before Stan innocently picks up a piece of litter and manages to accidentally knock them both into a pile of fresh, moist elephant shit. Hamas has taken over and horror is imminent. Michael Jackson is still running around loose in the garb of an Arab female, but with protruding designer shades. Pope "bEnnY16" Ratzinger is talking about love and sex -- it's enough to put you off either. Catholic perverts abound -- officials at St. Paul's Catholic School on Staten Island "looked the other way," as Catholics are so wont to do, as a dyke gym teacher repeatedly signed a 7th grader out of class to go on private field trips, and was caught by the principal with another junior high girl sitting in her lap. A peeping handyman at two Brooklyn high schools (it doesn't say if he's Catholic but there's no reason to think he isn't) has for 17 years been videotaping girls' bathrooms! And he is one fat, nasty-looking muhfuh. And apparently Simon left in a huff last night when Paula HURT HIS FEELINGS. And EVA RAINFORTH is starting her own blog!!! See -- things can always get worse.

I tell you, it all just makes me want to throw up my little hands and cry like a baby in my mother's arms. Oh, Mammy, I'm coming, Mammy! Mammy! What, don't you recognize me? It's -- sniff -- it's your little Stevie, Mammy! Damn me! I've come back to Alabammy! To see you, Mammy! I'm down on my knees, I'M BEGGIN' YA, remember how we laughed and cried and you always told me things would get better? Well, I'm a man now, Mammy! A fine, healthy, good man living in sinful New York City, and I've come back to you! No, I'm not a Catholic any more, Mammy, I purged that from my soul many years ago. I'm a good man, didn't you hear what I said? What's the matter with you, Mammy? MAMMY! SHE'S DEAD! Oh, Mammy.

By the way, hello to Tammy.

How about a couple of quick recent movie reviews to cheer us all up. The Producers. Yes, I saw it, despite hideous reviews. What's everyone's problem with this movie? Of course it's not the original, don't be stupid. Of course musicalizing that script was a terrible idea in the first place. Yes, the songs are lame, they always have been. Yes, Nathan Lane is in it, but still, IT COULD BE WORSE, I guess. Jim Belushi. No, film critics didn't like this movie because it was too much like the stage play. "It took all the life out of the live show." Pah. Piffle. And a derogatory snort. I thought it was fine, for what it was, and I smiled all the way through, until the last 15 minutes, which I assume was just as much of a mess on Broadway.
Match Point. "They say it's Woody Allen's 'return to form,'" Val says. DO NOT BE DECEIVED. I admire arty and pretentious as much as anyone. This wasn't even that arty, it's like Allen -- I don't think I'm going to call him Woody anymore, I'm so disgusted -- set it in England and put in a lot of OPERA, for God's sake, and that made it arty enough. And God forbid he should make any effort to put in any humor. He's got an Irish guy worming into zillionaire London circles instead of a funny Jew doing the same thing in New York, and a blond babe Other Woman instead of -- oh, yeah, right, i guess that is kind of de rigeur (I love those italics) in a Woodypic. Ooh, ooh, and the HOT SEX SCENES you may have read about. Well, listen to Big Steve. The sex takes about 30 seconds total, the entire long, 2 hour movie, AND THERE'S NOT ONE BUTTOCK. They rip each other's clothes off or do it in the rain. That's real exciting for Woody Allen, I guess. Val hated it, too.
Hostel. I saw this on the advice of a tenor. Don't make the same mistake. But i am the kind of guy who snickers at horror movie gore and mutilations, so I got my weeknight bargain price money's worth.

Comments

[alena]

what a great site steve! thanks for keeping me laughing, and feeling closer to home, even when i'm far away. keep up the funny business...
lots of love,
Alena

[Doug]

Where is Eva's boog? I mean blog? It won't be a long journey for her to become a blogger, since she has been intimate with boogers for years.

[Mr. Steve]

Doug, you know how she is. When her Boog-log is out and on display you'll hear it first on zombiemikado. It will be deranged.